I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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