There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
