So drunk, too bad you don't want this
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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