so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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