Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
