you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
