we're chasing vodka with high fives
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
