I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
