Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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