Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
