Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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