note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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