he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
