I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
