Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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