I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
