i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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