i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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