I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
