my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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