I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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