never play flip cup with pint glasses
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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