I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
