I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
