bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
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Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
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I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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