I like to think it a success when the cops are called
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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