one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
