How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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