We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
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Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
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got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
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