Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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