Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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