how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
sex in a hospital.. check
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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