I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
