end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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