i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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