therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
