Can Purell be used as lube?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
