i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
