me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We need to rekindle our bromance
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
