His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Please, let me fuck your mom
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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