are you still at the devil's house?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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