How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
