I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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