i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
