You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
