Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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