He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i love accidental penises.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
