Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
