He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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