Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
