So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
