quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My penis needs a shock collar
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
