fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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