think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
