Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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