the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
