trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
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heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
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I am naked and annoyed.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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