Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
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He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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