Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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