my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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