i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
