let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he was CRYING into my vagina
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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