I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
