no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
