Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
