There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Quick, to the slutcave!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
