I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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