Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We need to get me chipped asap
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
