The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize