Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
